


the rain is coming (just like that day)

by painttheworldinpastels



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Attempt at angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Rain, Song fic, they're still friends though so it's just light angst I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-22 16:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20877395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painttheworldinpastels/pseuds/painttheworldinpastels
Summary: Outside the window, rain is falling instead of tears. Mark supposes that's a good thing.





	the rain is coming (just like that day)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [ When it rains by Jeong Sewoon ](https://youtu.be/eqpGkMITJMU)!

The skies are dark as Mark strums his guitar lazily, swinging his legs over the lake from where he sits on the edge of the dock. He hears something creak but he doesn't pay it any mind; he continues humming a tune he hopes will make sense, wishing that he'd brought his lyrics notebook with him.

He's nudged the slightest bit forward and he flounders, staggering away from the dock's edge with his guitar gripped tight against his chest. He hears loud cackling from behind him and he sighs.

"Ohmygod," Donghyuck wheezes as he wipes tears away from his eyes, "you thought you were going to die!"

"Shut up, you know I can't swim." Mark grumbles as he scoots back on the dock, but this time instead of going back to the dock's edge he lies down, his guitar flat beside him. Donghyuck crawls over, still giggling, and copies Mark's position. "What'cha doin'?"

"Will you take offense if I say I'm trying to get away from you?"

"That's no way to talk to your best friend, Markie."

Mark groans. "I came here for peace and quiet, Hyuck."

"You've got your peace, and I'll be quiet, I promise! Let me stay here." Hyuck turns so he's lying on his side and looking straight at Mark. "Please?" Donghyuck's eyes are wide and shining and his lips are pursed together in the cutest pout Mark's ever seen (a pout he's seen too many times, unfortunately), and Mark just can't bear to refuse him. Unfortunately.

"I was trying to write a song," Mark says softly, eyes directed to the gloomy clouds above them. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Donghyuck shift so he's lying on his stomach. "Oh? What for?"

"Just because."

"Because?"

"Because I wanted to." Mark stretches before sitting up and resuming his previous position at the edge of the dock. "Shush while I try to concentrate."

He hears Donghyuck snicker, followed by the sound of a game starting. Mark sighs in relief and brings his attention back to his guitar as comfortable silence hangs over them, punctuated by the sounds of random chords and the game Donghyuck's playing.

The silence lasts for twenty minutes. "Are you done yet?" Donghyuck gets up and pushes Mark slightly and Mark shuffles so Donghyuck can sit next to him and let his feet dangle off the dock too.

"You promised you'd be quiet."

"I was! For a whole—" Donghyuck checks his watch. "Twenty-two minutes. Now let's do something fun!"

"This  _ is _ fun."

"For  _ you _ . I'm bored."

"Then go away."

"You don't see me for an entire year and this is how you treat me? Unacceptable!"

"Hyuck, I saw you during Christmas."

"That was so long ago," Donghyuck laments. "We barely see each other now and you choose to spend what time we actually have together being one of those angsty characters that stare out at sea, hoping for their loved one to return safe and sound when their loved one is right here! Me! Hello?"

"First of all, this is a lake."

"Whatever. You can write your song later, hang out with meeeeee!" Donghyuck prods at Mark's arm, poking it insistently.

"I  _ am _ hanging out with you."

"By that I mean 'let's do something fun for  _ me' _ ."

"You're not the center of my universe anymore, Hyuck." There's no bite to the way Mark says it, but there's resentment in his words. It surprises both himself and Donghyuck; Donghyuck freezes and his eyes bore into Mark like he's trying to figure something out. Mark coughs and forces out an awkward laugh. "What I meant to say was that...this can be fun for you too. Wanna learn how to play? I know you've been curious about it." Mark holds out his guitar like an offering.

Hyuck lets out a dodgy chuckle. "Maybe next time." He purses his lips, hesitating. "But do you mind telling me what the song's for?"

Mark considers telling Donghyuck that it's a song for him. An apology through melody. Perhaps it's a plea? For what, Mark doesn't know yet. Mark himself isn't even sure of what the song is supposed to be. "I'll tell you soon," he says as he pats Donghyuck's head like one would a puppy. "It's a secret for now."

"Fine. Keep your secret." Donghyuck grins. "But I hope you don't mind cuddles while I wait for you to finish."

The downpour comes as Donghyuck snuggles into Mark's side. Fat droplets start falling and soon enough an angry curtain of water envelopes them. They hurry to find shelter, and in their haste Mark slips on a puddle. Donghyuck stops to laugh at him, and the way the rain frames his figure—bent over as he hugs his stomach, his eyes curled into crescents, shaking his head like a puppy fresh out of a bath, water pouring into his mouth as he throws his head back to guffaw—makes Mark feel wistful. It's a scene that feels like a memory but isn't, warm and familiar, filled with imagined nostalgia. In Mark's memories is a different scene regarding rain, but maybe in an alternate universe this was what took place; Hyuck laughing at him, Hyuck laughing  _ because _ of him.

They're drenched by the time they get to Donghyuck's house. Donghyuck goes to find towels straightaway, leaving Mark staring mournfully out the window. Tomorrow he'll probably catch a cold, but Mark finds that he doesn't mind.

Maybe a good memory involving the rain will cancel out the bad one.

🌧

Mark has many regrets. He regrets that time he tried to cook an egg without asking anyone beforehand, that time he forgot to write a paper because he fell asleep too early, that time he used his mother's credit card to pick a door jamb that got stuck. He regrets not going to Renjun's ballet recital in favor of going to a concert that ended in a riot and he regrets trying out for the soccer team back in seventh grade, but his biggest regret is the break up.

It was supposed to be a date. Two years ago, they were sitting at their usual booth in their favorite diner one humid summer afternoon. There was one milkshake before them with two straws, because Donghyuck liked to do cheesy couple things.

(That milkshake remained untouched until the end; Mark remembers seeing droplets of condensation on the glass as he marched out of there.)

It was supposed to be just another date. It wasn't supposed to end up  _ like that _ .

Mark should have seen the signs: how fidgety Donghyuck was, how he couldn't look Mark in the eye. He should have noticed but he didn't—not because he didn't care but because there were other things to worry about, like how Yukhei was complaining about his flight being delayed. Mark was making an attempt to console him through text, but maybe he should have ignored Yukhei spamming him with sad emojis and payed attention to Donghyuck, who was tapping his fingers nervously on the table as he waited for Mark to finish whatever he was doing. Maybe doing that would have salvaged what little could be saved.

The rain started when Donghyuck started talking. Little pitter-patters outside the window, growing heavier with every minute.

It's natural for things to be this way, he remembers Donghyuck saying. Donghyuck's voice was shaky as he explained to Mark that things don't always work out, especially with both of them in different places and not being together for so long, and even when they finally get to see each other there's other things to do, other priorities. A relationship isn't something they can juggle right now, Donghyuck reasoned, not with them so busy all the time.

(Donghyuck didn't say it, but Mark knew. Mark knew about the times when Donghyuck would fall asleep waiting for Mark to call, when Donghyuck would cancel plans to squeeze himself into Mark's limited free time.

Donghyuck was the only one doing his best to keep what they had from falling apart, and Donghyuck was tired of it.)

Mark remembers his hands shaking as Donghyuck said the words that would ruin everything, that would rip away one of the best aspects of his life. There would be no more good morning/good night texts, no more late night/early morning calls. No more cuddles, no more stealing clothes, no more bedhead selfies, no more "I love you"s. No more Mark and Donghyuck.

He regrets not trying to fix it, not assuring Donghyuck that they can get through this. That he'll do better, that they can both do better. He left Hyuck in that diner with harsh words and broken promises. He left the diner in tears; Donghyuck was crying too, and outside the sky was crying with them.

But Donghyuck doesn't call for him; Donghyuck doesn't ask him to come back. He let Mark walk away, watched the plans and oaths they'd made fall through with every step Mark took away from him.

At the time, Mark was too angry to think, too angry to rationalize anything. So much bitterness seeped into him, so much hatred. He hated that eveything went wrong, he hated that most of it was his fault. He hated himself, hated that he didn't even try to stop it. He hated that although he was so, so mad at Donghyuck, he still loved him.

He still hates that, even until now.

Life is like that sometimes, Donghyuck tells him afterwards, when they go back to their respective universities when the summer ended (and with it their relationship). Maybe it's the distance that makes Hyuck brave enough to ask Mark if they can still be friends. (Mark would never ask. He doesn't want to know.) And Mark gets it now, he really does. It's hard enough to get through college, and attempting to juggle a long-distance relationship would have only strained what they had. Mark figures that he should have put in more effort, and he acknowledges that the break up was the right move for them at the time.

He regrets that now. He regrets it so, so much.

🌧

Mark hears struggling and a voice that sounds obnoxiously like Donghyuck's complaining about how Mark must have been a monkey in his past life. Mark frowns, but he reaches his hand down to help pull Donghyuck up the tree he's perched on.

"Why do you keep hiding away?" Donghyuck whines as he settles on the branches. "I thought hide and seek was a kids' game."

"Why do you keep looking for me?" Mark grumbles as he moves his guitar to make room for Donghyuck as he shimmies into the space next to Mark. "Oh, it's pretty here."

"Yeah." They watch the colors of the sunset blend into the dark blue sky. The stars wink at them as Donghyuck starts to slip from his spot, and Mark holds on to him with one arm while using his other one to make sure his guitar doesn't plummet to its doom. "Careful, you might fall."

"I'll take you with me when I do. Serves you right for making me do this."

"You could've just asked me to come down, you know."

Donghyuck huffs. "Well I'm here now, so deal with it. Are you still working on that song?"

Mark hesitates. "I've finished it now."

Donghyuck lights up. "Really? Will you tell me about it now?"

Mark doesn't answer him, playing the chords to Thriller instead to distract Donghyuck. Donghyuck rolls his eyes but he sings along anyway.

"It's a song for you," Mark finally says after the last note fades into the darkness of dusk.

Donghyuck whips his head towards Mark quickly, taken aback. "For me?"

"For you."

Donghyuck's face is cloudy, just like how the sky is before rain starts to fall. "Why?"

"Just...something to say sorry." Mark can't bring himself to look at Hyuck; he starts playing random chords to avoid having to. Music fills the chilly night air. "So many things went wrong, and I feel sorry."

Donghyuck softens. "There's nothing to be sorry for. We just didn't work out—that happens to a lot of people."

"I didn't want that to happen to us, though." Mark's voice is small as he replies. "I wanted us to be okay."

"We  _ are _ okay. We're okay now, aren't we?"

Mark swallows. "A different kind of okay."  _ An  _ okay _ that meant we were still together. That I was still yours, and I could still call you mine. _

"Mark." Donghyuck turns to face Mark fully, holding on to the tree for dear life. "Is this just a sorry song or is there something else you wanna say?"

There's worry in Donghyuck's eyes.  _ Worry _ . Not longing, not hope. He doesn't want Mark back, not the way Mark wants him. He wants Mark to move on, to be  _ okay _ . To be happy with or without him.

_ I miss you _ , Mark almost blurts out.  _ I love you. I still do. _

But he can't say that now, not when Donghyuck seems content with whatever they are at the moment. One wrong move from Mark could ruin this too, and Mark doesn't want that.

"It's just a sorry song," he assures Hyuck. He can feel the weight in his chest sinking as he lies through his teeth. 

Donghyuck's expression brightens.  It's a subtle change, but Mark can see the sun's rays peeking through as the clouds on Donghyuck's face slowly drift away. There won't be any rain tonight, no tears from Donghyuck. Hopefully there'll be none from him as well. "Let's hear it then."

Mark smiles, albeit bitterly. On the inside, his heart breaks. On the outside, however, he starts to sing.

**Author's Note:**

> twt: [@whatsavotingacc](https://twitter.com/whatsavotingacc?s=09)


End file.
